Year of Changes

Most people write about their year before it ends and I've decided I'm going to do it differently. I was adding photos to my Instagram story when I realized this year was FULL of big changes for our family. It was a year full of joy, heavy hearts, life, an end to an era, the start of something new, stretching our faith, and trying our best to create memories together.

It all began roughly in the first part of the year, there was a loss that happened in the community around us that hit a lot of people hard. There was this beautiful soul that left her earthly home, she had a daughter that was near Owen's age and it was unbelievably hard to imagine the loss for her husband and for their daughter. Their family's story pulled at my heartstrings and stirred something within me that needed to change. This woman had an incredible outlook on life, who brought life to others when she was fighting for her own. I know there are more to people's stories than what we know from the outside looking in, but her story spoke truth (and it inspired me to pursue a life with more depth).

From there I kept praying for God to open my heart to what He wanted from me. I kept talking with my husband about what steps I needed to take to be present (which this was my word for 2017, btw). I wanted to be fully in their lives, I wanted to come home and enjoy them rather than wanting to lock myself in a room for the evening. I was tired of not giving them my full self and I don't think I ever made time for myself either. I remember begging for answers for what my next step was going to be because I honestly felt like I couldn't physically or mentally handle it anymore. My life was moving forward and I felt forever lost. Time was fleeting and before we knew it we would be welcoming our new baby girl into this world. I was letting those last moments as a family of three slip away because I was consumed with my career and making sure everything in life was going smoothly.

I was a hairstylist for 8 years and 6 of those years I had worked for a gorgeous salon in Louisville; two years spent

as an assistant manager/hairstylist/wedding coordinator/social media content marketer. As much as I loved what I did and where I worked, something just wasn't sitting right about my work-life balance. I've struggled with anxiety something crazy since I had Owen and being a stylist can be an emotionally heavy career. We are right up there with psychologists and therapists. Because of my personality, I wanted to take and fix the burdens of my guests. As a stylist, I was "on" all day every day, I had THE best guests a girl could ask for but this anxious heart of mine was coming undone at the seams. I was struggling to handle my own emotions but yet I wanted to take the burdens from other people. I wanted to fix everything. I felt like I was being pulled in different directions every day. I felt that it was God speaking to me through the previously mentioned family, through their story and heartache. I was realizing I needed to change my path and focus on the sweet memories with my family and loved ones.

It didn't happen until about the last month of my pregnancy that it was abundantly clear which direction I was headed. I chatted with my ever understanding boss about where my heart was headed which was to stay home with my babies. I decided to walk away from a career that I've built for the past 8 years, to walk away from my guests who I adored. The crazy thing about this whole process is that I never once felt like I was making the wrong decision or second guessing myself. My anxious filled mind rested for a moment so that I could be strong for my family, for myself and hold on to the next chapter in my life. It was time for me to let go, it was time for me to fully trust in God's plan.

After I had Mila it was strange not going back to the salon and back to the career I've had for so long. Sure there are still days I miss it, but I love that I'm right where I'm supposed to be. I'm making memories with my sweet babies, I'm snuggling them on a Saturday, I'm not working 12 hours a day and then coming home worn out. Instead, I'm waiting for them to go to bed only to miss them as soon as I can't see their sweet faces or hear their belly laughs. Also, let's be honest, mama still needs her time to reflect and be me. That's what I'm learning about this season I've had, is that not only are memories with my babies important, but so are memories with my husband, the people around me, and it's important for me to be Britney every once in a while.

God is gifting me with a season of eating up time with my children and I will forever be grateful. Some days I still can't believe I get to see them as often as I do or that I'm pursuing other dreams. Who knew the road I'm traveling would change as drastically as it has?

In 2017 I made the biggest career shift for our family, gave birth to our daughter, laughed a lot, cried, celebrated the life of my Mimi, turned 30, struggle(d) with Postpartum anxiety/depression, I'm not letting that take over my life btw, celebrated Owen turning 4, enrolling Owen into Kindergarten, I let go of fears, made a lot of mistakes, learned to love people better, learned to love myself more, listened rather than thinking of the next thing I wanted to say, became more present with the people surrounding me, drank all the coffee, stopped over explaining myself as often..it still happens occasionally, gave more of myself to my family.

In 2018 I'm going to grow even more and I will have setbacks, I'm sure of it. The one thing I do know is that I'll love a little louder, I won't let other's thoughts of me keep me down, I'll make time to rest, time to create, open our home more, I will read and I'll still be drinking all the coffee and wine. I'm finding my voice and I can't wait to see where it goes.