Depths of Motherhood

I thought this was the perfect timing to write about what Motherhood means to me, ya know since it's mother's day and all. ;) I became a mother 5 years ago and it's been a roller coaster ever since. One I never want to come off of, however, I may need a pause from time to time with my trips to Target to clear my mind and buy way too much stuff.

Someone once told me becoming a mother is like having a babysitting job that never ends. Which they are correct, but it's also little more beautiful and horrifying at the same time. You experience a love that is difficult to put into words and you are in charge of a human life or two and how that life turns out. Being a mother put me in my place big time and honestly, it still does. Motherhood is messy and I love it. I do have hard days too and I'm thankful for our village that helps us and loves us well. Without them, we wouldn't be where we are today.

So without further ado...

Motherhood means helping these little souls find themselves and their voices. It's staying up all night soothing your baby. It's holding their hand when they are scared. It's listening to Frozen who knows how many times and pretending you love it. You then keep reminding yourself to, Let it Go. It is teaching them about good music or their father teaching them about country music and having to sit back and let them form their own opinion about what "good" music is. ;) It's teaching them about the love God has for us and teaching them how to pray when they are thankful and when they are shaken. It's teaching them how to reach out their hand to help someone. It's repeating yourself 5 thousand times a day. It's learning to slowly let them make decisions. It's constantly letting them teach me how to live a little and let go of the small details yet take those details in. It's showing up for the small things, like playing cars on the floor, holding them just to hold them, or just hanging with them on the front porch shooting the breeze. It's teaching them they can lean on you. It's cleaning a house that will only be destroyed within seconds. It's teaching them that I'm not perfect and will make plenty of mistakes. It's also asking them to forgive me when I make those mistakes. It's singing for them at night when they are probably the only person in the world who hears my voice as soothing or smiles so big when I do start singing. It's sitting back and taking in the world through someone else's eyes. It's telling them I'm sorry if I made a mistake. It's noticing the yellow flowers growing in your grass and seeing it as beautiful and not a weed. It's realizing how selfish I really am. It shows me how much love I can have in my heart and there is no ceiling to that kind of love. It's saying cuss words under my breath so they don't hear them and repeat them. Motherhood is being slow to speak and fast to listen. It's raising a person just as stubborn as I am and realizing how much hell I put my own parents through. ( Thanks mom and dad for dealing with me). It's trying to figure out the whole time management thing and still failing at it miserably. It's about finding my own voice and speaking up for the little ones who can't speak at all. Motherhood is realizing how fast life is and how much I want it to slow down. It's running after sunsets and soaking it in. It's also about rising with the sun to see the beauty before my cup of coffee. Motherhood is crying in the shower so the little ones don't see me upset or scared. It's about balance. It's about asking for help. It's taking comfort in knowing I don't have it all together and I never will.

Motherhood to me is constantly changing, messy, and breathtaking. God gifted me a chance to raise these two children and I pray I'm making Him proud. This life of motherhood is crazier than I ever had imagined and it's also grander than I hoped.

To all the moms out there struggling to feel like you've got it together. You. Are. NOT. Alone. I'm in the depths of these thoughts too. So, let's repeat this together..."I'm doing it and giving my babies my best. I need to stop comparing, start realizing I am one hell of a mama." Don't let one bad moment make you think you aren't doing your best. Let's raise each other up and speak love to all the mom's out there!

Happy Mother's Day.

-B